Bleach and I don’t get along. It makes me wheeze and cough up squishy bits of lung along with rashes and making my hands numb (even with gloves). Not to mention what it does to my wardrobe. (And this bleach kick the country is on makes me THRILLED *hackwheeze* I tell ya.)
Now, although I hate it (and I believe we have mutual feelings about each other) there are times I MUST use it. Like for rinsing out the dog crate, or say, when your tub gets clogged after you dye your hair BROWN. Well, I guess with the red highlights it’s AUBURN, but after the tub clogged it looked like someone had a mishap and didn’t make it to the toilet. Yark, I know.
So after plunging the tub I needed to disinfect it and get the brown ring out so I opened up the Softy Bleach Solution Scrubber DubDub and proceeded to squirt the whole bottle out and applied some elbow grease with a sponge. Only I ended up leaning way into the tub and schmearing most of it across my boobs so now my shirt looks like a LOOK HERE BIG TITS!! add. Or a tie dye gone very wrong. As I’m scrubbing I’m trying NOT to breathe, only to start coughing and then gulping air and out come the lung bits. Soon I have it down to a system, Scrub Cough Wheeze Schmear, and I get into the flow of the chant in my head, not caring about the shirt anymore because most of them are ruined with dips, dots, or schmears of bleach. Which, is kinda astounding because I don’t use it that often. Mostly never and only when there is no other choice because I like breathing and knowing that my kids, also affected by bleach, are breathing Thankyouverymuch. Breathing+Kids=HappyMom.
I think Bleach knows I hate it, and endeavors to get on every article of clothing I have just like a silent, white, ‘Neer Neer’. Please, tell me I’m not the only one that is so used to walking around with white spots on their shirts that when I see a another spotted soul I say to myself, “Well, at least it’s clean,” and hoping to God they are thinking the same?
No, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.
All in all it was a vast effort, but now at least my tub is not the same color as my hair, which is nice, and the tub is no longer clogged, which is also nice.
Tomorrow:Brokeback on Crack, or Selah March’s You Make Me Live, a multi author antho with her novella Seven Year Ache
I want to burst out in song, “You’re the best friend, that I ever had~”
Bleach is ok as long as you don’t drink more than 3 pints at a time and then it’s best diluted with orange juice.
I walk around covered in cigarette burns and things.
Nice new blog – I might get to like it here. It’s got a peaceful sort of feeling to it (so far).
Hugs,
M.
PS I’d always assumed that the cast of Brokeback Mountain were on crack in the first place.
M.
Merlin! BIGWET*Smooch*
Darling, I think you’re mixing the wrong drinks. No wonder you’re floating about. Grey Goose is the liquid you need.
Yes, I love it here too, I’m so glad you like it. It’s a shame when your friends don’t like your new digs. *g*
You know, I never saw the movie. What a surprise, right?
I love your new look too…..
Want an alternative to bleach that does just as good and is healthy for the environment? Use orange oil. It has this amazing property too. “Aromatherapy considers Pure Orange a tonic for anxiety & depression. It is used to stimulate the digestive system. While refreshing, it is also somewhat sedative in nature, creating a relaxed atmosphere.” So you would be a happy cleaner!
I rarely use commercial products to clean. I am on well and septic so I went green when I didn’t want the chemicals I use to end up in my yard and then well water. I use vinegar and water to clean my floors (no streaking on my quarry floors), lemon oil for my wood, a mixture of lemon juice, vinegar and baking soda if I want to whiten something, rubbing alcohol and water and newspapers for glass, and the orange oil. We also don’t use chemicals on our lawn or garden…only natural products. Go green! It is safer for you!
I actually am mostly green. Bleach is the only thing I cave on now and again. And I have the same reaction to orange oil. Citrusolve? Is that the name? I cough all day after using that one, and any orange smelling stuff. And I do LOVE the smell. For the most part I use vinegar and water/baking soda and I have glass cleaners that are green that I buy from Home Depot, Odoban products, which work great (hydrogen peroxide).
I’m finally feeling better today. I think I’ll take the unopened cleaner back.
Which orange products do you use? Are they different? I do love the smell…
Floating about ? Yeh – guess I was for a while. Think I’m coming back to earth again now though.
There’s an ancient Greek theory (shared loosely by Buddhists) that every 7 years or so we have to re-invent ourselves.
This happens to me : I feel the need to shed my skin and turn into someone (or somthing else).
I’m not sure how I feel about this incarnation yet. He’s much darker and deeper than before. He drinks ; he stays up late.
He needs a new woman ; he fell in love in Belgium (in an impossible situation).
He’s turning into “El Padrone”. I might get to like him.
The lyrics to “Desperado” keep coming to mind.
Only time will tell.
M xx
Well, I totally believe in the reinventing yourself thing. The new blog was a sign of that.
Just as long as you’re not turning into animals I think you’ll be OK. And then there are some that would love you more if you did.
Drinking and staying up late are fine. And there is only one impossible situation to fall in love, as far as I’m concerned. “Desperado” is a fantastic song. You’re such a romantic. Though you have to define “El Padrone” for me.
Animals my arse : bring on the (40 year old) nubiles – if such a thing exists.
El Padrone probably translates as The Master. He appears in the film “Blow”.
The Master is also one of my favourite recent novels : Colm Toiban’s semi-biography of Henry James (or is is William James: I always confuse the two).
Echoes of lost love and repressed homosexuality ( no – I’m not) and a wonderful sense of claustrophobia and his fucked-up affair (and subsequent suicide) of Ms Fennimore Cooper if my memory serves me well – or indeed at all.
Very Merlinesque.
Smooches,
M.
Reading that sounds like a great alternative to gouging your eyes out with a lobster claw.
And I saw Blow. Apparently I forgot too much of it.
I use regular products…nothing special or made for that purpose. I mix my own. I use vinegar, ammonia, hydrogen peroxide, isopropol alcohol, borax, baking soda..all things you can get at the grocery store. I get the lemon oil and orange oil from the health food store. Pure orange oil actually doesn’t smell like oranges…more citrusey. The only thing I buy brandwise is cheer without perfumes as I love its cleaning action and I tend to break out using anything else. But I don’t use a fabric softner even with our Midwestern hard water. I use baking soda.
When you buy the orange or lemon oil, use only one teaspoon in say a 22 oz spray bottle with a few drops of soap and you can use this on any wood flooring or wood furniture/molding/cabinets, etc.
What is funny is that you were right on about the Gray Goose although there are cheaper vodkas….Vodka is considered a green product and makes one of the best all-purpose and glass cleaners. You really could be a happy cleaner!
Do you remember how to make sure your baking soda is fresh? Add 1 tablespoon to 1/4 cup vinegar. If it fizzes it is fresh. If it doesn’t then throw it out.
I clean my toilets with a half can of coca cola. Pour a half can into each toilet, let it sit for several hours. Then just wipe and flush.
I use toothpaste for my stainless steel sinks and fixtures.
I use activated charcoal (you can get it at a pet store..it’s what one uses in fish tanks) in small glass flower type vases or jars and set them in corners of a room…even at the office. It takes out any odor. I keep 2 by the kitty litter box alone.
Is Gray Goose vodka ?
I don’t do vodka – in fact I don’t do spirirts at all – just beer.
I used to spend my time in London ( in my late twenties) with a large vodka and a couple of lines of coke for breakfast.
No more thank God.
(He always was a problem child!).
How come I’m telling you this all of a sudden ? It’ll spoil the autobiography completely. Now I guess I need a new blog too.
Maybe something “Jim Morrison” ? “The Lizard King” or “Weird Scenes In The Goldmine” ?
Suggestions welcome.
M.
*Snicker* Mr. MoJo Risin’.
Grey Goose? Gray Goose? I can’t spell it, I just drink it. I actually prefer the UK spelling of Grey. Looks prettier.
I thought I was the only one wandering around in bleach-spotted clothes.
A woman came up to me in the grocery store the other day, pointed to the big bleach splatter on my T-shirt, and said, “Honey, that’s why *I* wear an apron.”
I bit my tongue. HARD. Because my karma is cruddy enough as it is without cussing out old ladies in the produce aisle.
You have beautiful karma. It’s glittery and sparkles.
I love it that you think so, darling.